Hello Dear Reader,
You know who you are. You wrote to me two days ago. It's taken a while to get back to you but I promised I would. I'm keeping my promise right now.
You are a similar age to me, we are both in our forties. My children have grown and flown whilst yours is still young and lives with you. You and I have both had illnesses and I have worked through mine, am well but I'm sorry to say that you are currently unwell and and have been for a long time. I've had to say no over and over to my children and bring them up with the harsh reality of the fact that if we couldn't afford it that they didn't have it. You currently don't have the strength to say no and you keep saying yes over and over to things you can't afford and you shouldn't spend money on.
Your letter touched me. It really touched me.
I went away today. My son sent me a text to tell me he loved me and was proud of me. I would do any thing, and I mean anything to receive any sort of acceptance from my daughter. I feel guilt each and every day that I never met her expectations and in her eyes and in her words, that I didn't parent her in the way that she would have wanted. If I could have my time again, would I have given into her? In a heart beat. With that in mind, it is totally understood that you can't say no to your daughter.
I said no.
I wish I hadn't.
As a parent, you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't.
You and I also have other similarities. We both remember out childhoods. Yours wasn't great and we were deeply affected by poverty. Now, before I go any further and I know my mother will read this, I can now say this with perspective. I know my mum and dad were incredibly resourceful and did everything within their wonderfully creative means to provide for us the very best they could. We were always as clean as they could possibly keep us, as well fed as they could possibly feed us and they didn't have anything either, so it wasn't that we went without whilst they did better. I know I was loved and my parents did their very best. However, those grinding years of existence has an effect of anyone who ever experienced it. In short, being the poor kid in the class is not great and the lasting effect is a lifetime of trying to get over it. I've moved on but you haven't got over it. Not one bit.
So, you and me Dear Reader tried to compensate for it.
Me? I tried to work my way out of it and spent years trying to earn enough, to make it better for my family so I could ensure they had a better future. In the meantime, I was either at work or at college and whilst I was there, just trying to make it better for the children who I was not there for as I was too busy trying to provide for them. Ironic? Yep!
You? You have tried to shop your way out of those memories. That means you have too much of anything and most of it gets wasted, wasn't wanted and ended up in the bin. It just sounds like you wanted to shop it better, to buy it better to have it in stock and there to be plenty of it because that would make it better........wouldn't it? Has it made it better? No it hasn't!
You wrote as others have written, the words..........
"I need your help."
I will do what I can.
You do need to go and get professional medical help for the condition you describe. You also need to go and seek out professional support and help for your compulsive behaviours. As ever, I can not tell you what to do but will share what I would do. You explain that you have experiences from your past that you also need professional help with. Here's what I can do, I can advise you to find someone who can help you. I can only share how I would deal with that and be clear that is all that is.
Acquisition often involves human interaction, so reverse it. Polarise that interaction by selling the items that you have bought maybe on ebay or local sales via Facebook. Get the buzz by getting rid. Set yourself a workable target of one item a week and build that up, week by week until you are getting rid of an item for each of the working five days a week. On the other days? Give yourself a break and a pat on the back that you've come this far.
Where I can help is by giving advice on reducing food wastes. I have given this advice so often before but this time, it's just for you.
1. Find a note pad and a pen.
2. Stock take one drawer of the deep freeze at a time.
3. Write down everything that's in there.
Now. repeat with all the food in your house. Stick a label on the drawer, cupboard or shelf that you haven stock of. Alternatively, you can photograph the areas you have already taken stock of.
Take time and read through the list of what you have.
Think about the food you can cook, how you can combine it and the meals you can make. If that is too difficult then email that list to me and I will help you with some meal ideas.
I'm also going to take you back to this. Click on the links.
I haven't always had it easy and at times, this blog was all there was to keep me upright and moving in a forward direction.
So, here's what you have done: you've admitted there's a problem and you want to do something about it.
Also, there are a multitude of others out there who can share what they might do. Remember, none of us have the answers, in fact, only you have the answers. What we can all do is share what we would do.
So, here goes.
Everyone, what would you do with these personal dilemmas. What would you do if you had too much of everything? What would you do to cut back on food waste? What would you do to fill your time so you didn't fill it with shopping.
Your letter touched me and I will do what I can.
Until tomorrow,
Love Froogs xxxx